I’m having a roller skating renaissance at the moment. Now when I say ‘roller skating’, I mean rocking the original 1980’s quads, doing kamikaze style street bombing. None of this 1990’s LA fashioned gentle Inline skating whilst wearing kneeandarmpads malarkey. No.

I’ve rediscovered my Roces Ventronics, with their two tone green wheels and multicoloured laces and I’ve fallen head over heels in love all over again. No man has made my heart race like these babies do in quite some while! Although I lack the leg warmers and fingerless gloves of my first affair with skating, I’m pleased to find I still have the desire to bomb it as fast as I can along sweet, sweet, smoove tarmac, scaring the shit out of any pedestrians who fail to hear/see me coming. I will say, God bless the back stop though. Not only does it make a noise like I’ve been hitting the baked beans but it also allows me to skilfully glide to a screeching halt just short of someone's face/toes.  Now, before you judge me, I would like to state that I do have a strict policy of not doing it to the old, the frail or animals (unless they run at me then they have it coming).

Any ways, I’m not a great one for activities/exercise but I swear skating is a dope summer activity. You can get from A to B at warp speed and ladies, it’s a great way to take in the view (especially on hot sunny days) and the right pair of skates automatically add a certain je ne c'est quoi to most outfits à la Roller girl. My only gripe is this: In a country with a rapidly growing obesity problem, what bright spark decided to ban skating and cycling in London Parks?!  What if I wanna grab onto the back of my mate’s bike to get up some serious speed/help me up hill? Or just catch some rays dans le skates whilst I listen to some Meth?! Not only do I feel like a fugitive hiding from the ‘Park Five-O’ (admittedly being chased by park patrols can add next level entertainment to your day) but I then have to negotiate the deliberate and maliciously placed gravel at the end of each section of the path, which if you hit having been fortunate enough to gain any kind of speed, results in you falling flat on your face, looking like a twat and picking gravel out your nose for the rest of the day!

So, forget the pit-falls of parks, I’ve now discovered there’s a London skate every Friday night! Ever been standing outside a pub on a balmy summer’s evening and wondered where they hell 70 skaters with whistles and ghetto blaster came from? Well now you know. Basically it’s free, you get to skate round London with hundreds of other skaters whilst a music bike, equipped with a pair of Celestion SR1 MK2 PA speakers, with two 12” subwoofer, follows you blasting out a wicked soundtrack.  So, pedestrians be warned, I’m going to be trying this out next Friday and I will show no mercy since I have been pushed out of public parks! If you fancy joining me on my mission to resurrect PROPER ROLLER SKATING and you wanna have a proper laugh at the same time, holla. If you don’t have any skates go cop some of the bargains on Ebay!

Amusing pictures soon come.

T&C’s:

WNL does in no way advocate illegal skating in parks, hating on the obese, not wearing protective garments when skating or think you’re a fool if you do Inlining and not PROPER SKATING.

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